DO NOT GET OUT OF THE RINGS WHATEVER HAPPENS

A pair of newlyweds who are still innocent confusion to have sex on their first night.

"Do you know what we should do," asked the wife.

"Well, I do not understand darling" replied the husband. "But I have an idea, let's get to the bar that many sailors. Everyone knows that the sailors were skilled in sex. Let us ask one sailor to teach us ".

Long story short they went to a bar and find a sailor who was willing to give "lessons".

"Okay, let's get to the rooms above to teach you what to do" replied the sailor with a happy heart. In the room, the sailor drew a circle on the floor and said to her husband "You have to stand in a circle and must not come out no matter what happens"

Long story short, the sailor performing the duty of the husband towards his wife. When finished, she found her husband was giggling alone in the circle.

"Hey man, why are you laughing?" Asked the sailor.

"I've been out of the circle two times, but you did not notice ..."

I WANT COMPLAINTS

Jeanny go into a library and stood in front of a library employee, saying, "I want to complain!"

"What happen, Miss?" The librarian asked.

"Last week I borrowed a book from the library, and the book is not qualified!" Said Jeanny.

"Why, Miss?"

"Small letters, no space, no paragraphs, it all just letters, no pictures interesting, and the most depressing, the book did not tell any names but there are many people in it!"

The librarian was immediately opened wide and said, "Aha .... So you're the person who took our phone book that lost last week! "

DEFINITELY LOOKS MORE STUPID

A salesman is trying to persuade a farmer to buy a bike. The farmers refused to buy a bike, but apparently the sales seem to not give up easily.

"Hey ... instead of buying a bike, I'd rather spend my money to care for cows," said the farmer.

"Ah," replied the sales, "but try Think about it ... You will be greatly look stupid if you are traveling by riding a cow."

"Huhh!" Snapped the farmer. "Would not it be silly if people saw me blush a bicycle!"

MARTIN’S GIFT TO JENIFER

Martin's experience as Junior High School. At that time, a junior high school student named Martin was falling in love with her friend named Jenifer. Because Martin is one timid and less confident, so he did not dare declare his love to Jennifer.

After over a month to think how to get the heart Jenifer, Martin finally decided to give a gift to Jenifer. After much thought, Martin decided to give prizes to Jenifer hat. To execute his intention, Martin went to a department. store. After getting the hat of choice, Martin rushed to pay the cashier.

  Because the atmosphere in the department. Store more crowded at that time (there happened to be a big discount) so that ordinary cashier wrap stuff is a bit inconvenience, resulting package is purchased Martinit hat mixed up with the pack that she purchased in addition to Martin. It turns out the woman next to Martinit buying underwear. Because not wait to give gifts to Jenifer, without examining the contents of the parcel again Martin immediately gave a message in the package which reads:

Jenifer, ... I accidentally gave this gift to you because I know you rarely use it while traveling. I deliberately choose the color red because I've seen you wear the color blue. I'm absolutely sure the right size for you, because I've tried it before buying and we're the same size. I think I wanted to put this to you for the first time. Jenifer, if you're happy with this gift, I hope you wear it on Friday tomorrow.

Your friend,

Martin.

NB:

Anyway, the last model that I often see in films and magazines, to wear down rather bit down with a bit of hair visible

TOMMY'S ROWBOAT AND TIMMY'S WIFE

There are two twins, they are Tommy's and Timmy. Tommy's has a Rowboat that is very old. By chance, one day Timmy's wife had died the day along with Tommy's rowboat is sinking. A few days later an elderly woman saw Tommy, and accidentally one recognized him as Timmy, who lost his wife. She said to Tommy,

"I'm very sad for your loss. You must be feeling sad. "

Well the Tommy thought that she was talking about that rowboat, he replied "Actually I could say even happy to be rid of her. She was very, very old, even worse than the first time. The bottom had rotted, and smells very fishy. The back was already very bad, and the hole in the front is very wide. Every time I use it, the hole grew, and she leaked like mad. I think, the end is when I rented she to the four young men who are having fun the other day. I've warned them, that she was not very comfortable, but they are also willing to use it. Four of them trying to get into the same and he eventually split exactly in the middle. "

The old lady even then fainted.

DIARY OF THE WIFE AND HUSBAND

Wife Diary

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Sunday Night - He was acting strange. Previously we arranged to meet at the Cafe. I'm shopping all day handling of friends, so maybe she upset because I'm a little late to the Cafe, but she made no comment.

His talk did not connect, so I suggested we go somewhere a rather quiet so its more comfortable talking, she agreed but remained silent and distant. I asked what was wrong - he replied, "No". I ask whether the error that made me upset. He said this has nothing to do with me and asked me not to worry. On the way home, I told her I loved her, she just smiled slightly and keep driving. I can not explain the temperament that afternoon. I do not understand why he did not answer, "I love you too". Arriving home, I miss him, and as if she did not want me anymore. He just sat and

front of the TV watching; she looks away and disappear ... ..

Finally I decided to sleep. About 10 minutes later, she

followed into the room. I can not stand it anymore, I decided to

deal with it and ask about the truth, but she fell asleep. I started to cry myself to sleep. I do not know what to do. My life seemed to end ...

Husband's Diary

Sunday, June 1, 2008

REAL MADRID lost today. Damn it!

HUSBAND DIARY, ABOUT HIS BELOVED WIFE

Monday:

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I do not

report it. The thief does not drain as much money as my wife.

Tuesday:

I asked the wife, "Honey, where is the best place to celebrate ourwedding anniversary?" He replied, "Try a place that I had nevervisited." Well, that night I took her to the kitchen.

Wednesday:

If traveling, we always hold hands. Today I release her hand, all of a sudden he just went to the Supermarket.

Thursday:

My wife loves to buy stuff that is marked DOWN. Today, she boughtan escalator.

Friday:

My wife's hobby is SHOPPING, SHOPPING and SHOPPING. Last week she fell sick for a week, I had heard there were threeboutiques eventually went bankrupt.

Saturday:

He loves to collect items that use electricity. He bought an electricblender, electric toaster, electric heating food, and all other electrical. This morning he asked, "Honey, what about stuff that I have not got?"; I bought she an electric chair!

Sunday:

Today, my wife called me and complained, her car could not walk anymore. I asked why, he said there was water in the carburetor. I asked where her car there, he said he plunged into a river.

A LONG TIME!

In order to study sexual behavior, a researcher interviewed a pilot. "Can you tell me when was the last time you have sex?" Said researchers.

"Nineteen fifty-nine," said Pilot.

With a reputation for sounding pilots who often have multiple partners, researchers surprised with answers like that.

"When a long time!" Snapped Researcher.

"Yeah maybe ..." replied the pilot as he looked at his watch "But it's only twenty-one-fifteen."

I DO NOT WANT TO DIE, DOCTORS

Noon-day rest period, a doctor was startled by someone who sobbed as she said "I do not want to die, Doctor".

Feeling sympathy with him, the doctor gave up his lunch break. Then the doctor said, "What is it? tell me your problem! "

Then with a sobbing patient said, "Doctor, if I touch my body parts, which, I feel sick. See a doctor! ", Then the patient's hand touching the chest with his hands and yelled in pain, touching the head with his hands, then he screamed in pain again, he continued to shout as he touched other parts of the body with his hands. The patient said, "You see Doctor, I'm dying"

Then with a smile doctors said, "your fingers had broken".

ELECTRICITY COMPANIES KNOW ALL YOUR SECRETS

A young couple very delighted to know his young pregnant wife.

However, prior to obtaining reassurance from doctors, they agreed to conceal the pregnancy.

Wife: "honey, do not be told the other family first, yes ... fear of failure, 'it is not good when it's told"

husband: "okay honey, going to promise not notified, before there is confirmation from a doctor"

suddenly, an electric company employee come to their house to submit bills and fines on their overdue electric bill last month.

Craftsman electric bill: "mistress of a month late."

Wife: "you knows from who ...? dear ... please talk to these peopleelectricity company ... "

husband: "uh, carelessly ... how can you know this problem?"

Craftsman electric bill: "all recorded in our office sir."

Husband: "OK, tomorrow I am to your office to resolve thisproblem!"

The next day ...

husband: "how the power company knows the secret of my family?"

State electricity company employees: "of course we know, because there are records on us!"

Husband: "so i have to how to keep the news secret, sir?"

State electricity company employees: "You have to be paid, sir!"

Husband (damn I'm being blackmailed!): "If I do not want to pay, how?"

State electricity company employees: "We had to decide you've got ..."

husband: "Damn it ...? if decided, then what about my wife ...? "

State electricity company employees: "she's still able to use candles."

DOG THAT UNCONQUERED

Ancient times in England, when the days of the landlord has the hounds are strong, such a stranger who has a dog with a height of just 30cm. As he walks, he met Sir Graham who have a big bulldog and spooky. "Hi, stranger," said Sir Graham, "your dog is very little!" 

The man replied, "Oh, yeah, okay, if your dog can beat my dog in 15 seconds, I'll give you 1000 gold pieces." And they pitting the dog.

After 10 seconds, blood splattered everywhere. The bulldog was destroyed. And the stranger get 1000 gold pieces from the owner of a bulldog.

After walking for a while, he met Sir John, who has a shepherd crossbreed dog and wolf. This time he was challenging the wolf dog with a time of 20 seconds and bet 5000 gold pieces.

Shepherd  dog it destroyed in 15 seconds. When he would go, Sir John advised him to meet the king who has the strongest dog in the entire kingdom. Then the stranger went and met the King and challenge the dog by betting 10,000 gold pieces. Again the dog destroyed opponents. Astonishment, the king asked, "Great all, what dog is and how you train it?" The stranger replied, "Oh, training unremarkable, and his race, I was less clear. But if I not wrong, before the tail was cut and given a false ear,we  was called the crocodile. "

WHERE IS MR. JACOB’S ROOM

An old man entered an apartment. At the entrance he met a boy. "Son, do you know where Mr. Jacob's room to live?" Asked the old man to the child.

With a friendly boy replied, "Oh, you know Grandpa! Let me escorted. "

The child was took the old man climbed the stairs to floor 10 and bring it to the front room Mr. Jacob's.

"This is Grandpa, this room apartment Mr. Jacob's."

With a sigh that was the old man of breath knocked on the door many times but no answer.

"Son, it looks like Mr. Jacob is not in his room."

"Yes Grandpa, Mr. Jacob was in the first floor waiting for his guest."

WHAT COMPLIMENT WANT TO YOU HEAR

3 people best friend had an accident, after celebrating a bachelor party one of them. Apparently too many drinks to make them drunk and unable to drive properly. Luckily for them, they go to heaven because has lived his life well. At the door of heaven, they asked the angel: "If You can hear the comments of people who mourn, what would You hear? "

Youth I: "I want to be praised as a doctor and a good father as long as I live."

Youth II: "If I want to hear them say how much I have been a good teacher and provide good teaching for future students. "

Angel: "Do you how really quiet," said the angel to

The youth who was supposed to get married the day after tomorrow.

Youth III: "I do not want to be praised, I just want them to say

"Hey ... look, he finally moves "

GRANDPA NEVER MIND, DO NOT CONTINUE TO GRIEVE

Story like this, a grandfather tells his grandson about a story ama dutch colonial old days (you know usually a grandfather, just wear sarong with no panties only and are usually made of rattan his recliner) Amid talk he exclaimed, suddenly the old man burst into tears in accompanied by a mournful groan. Feel carried away his grandson spoke "Come on Grandpa. indeed a very sad old days, but right now we've independence ... "

With a rather sad tone of the old man replied "Son, I'm not sad because the old days, but my testicles stuck in this rattan chair."

LOGIC THINKER

One day at a bar, come in a well-dressed and drank in the bar. Thebartender was cool to see people interested and asked: "What dopal?"

Then the man replied, "I am a LogicThinker".

The bartender was confused and asked: what is a work of logicalthinker?

The man answered: "well hard to explain, because it is not anuncommon, but I'll give you an example, ok?"

Bartender: "Ok!"

Guest: "Well, first of all I would ask first, if you have an aquarium?"

Bartender: "Oh of course, I have a huge aquarium at home."

Guest: "Well if you have an aquarium, logically you have a fish"

Bartender: "Oh of course, I have a fish different types"

Guest: "well if you have a fish, you must love animals"

bartender: "Oh, yes, very true I am very fond of animals"

Guest: "If you love animals, especially on your child! You must be very loving your child".

bartender: "Absolutely, I love my children more than a fish".

Guest: "Well logically, if you have children must have a wife".

bartender: "You know why? I did have a beautiful wife ".

Guest: "Of course I know, because it all just logical. well now the last question, if you have a wife and children, you are not impotent!right? "

bartender: "I am not 100% completely impotent".

Guest: "Well that's about it logical thinker".

bartender: "like that? I understand right now "(while amazed)

Then after the guests had left, a friend came and asked the bartender:

friend: "uh, you were really fun to talk what?"

bartender: "ooo I was talking about people's work as a logicalthinker"

friend: "what is a logical thinker"

bartender: "Well you know I have explained (lagaknya recurrent)first of all I asked first, you have an aquarium or not?"

friend: "do not have that?"

bartender: (talking with a loud and definite) the mean  you are impotent!

DO NOT BE WASTEFUL

Jake was sailing with a big ship. Sunny weather is refreshing, but Jake always remind people of the dangers of bad weather. The people did not heed them.

not long after, the weather became really bad, facing a large storm, and nearly sinking the ship tossed udder. The passengers began to his knees, praying, and shouting for help. They prayed and promised to do as much good if they survived.

"Friends," shouted Jake. "Do not be wasteful with wonderful promises! I see land! "

MY CHILD SWALLOWED 12 ASPIRIN

Korshcak immediately called the pediatrician. "Doctor, doctor! My son, Joseph, had just swallowed a dozen aspirin. What should I do? "

"You sure it it an aspirin?"

"Sure, doc. I saw it myself. "

"There's sure a dozen?"

"Surely, doc."

"Calm down Mr. Korshack. Is Joseph crying? "

"No, doc."

"Is he sleeping?"

"No, doc."

"Is his skin pale?"

"No, doc."

"Is he sick?"

"No, doc. But I'm afraid so. He has swallowed it aspirin, doc. Yes, aspirin, doc. What should I do? "

"Look, Mr. Korshack," the doctor said, "Seek to make his head dizzy twelve times."

I'VE GOT BAD NEWS ABOUT YOUR HEALTH

A man feels snut-snutan wrist, then he visited a doctor for treatment.

Man: "Doc. . My wrist ached. . . "

Doctor: "What have you done?"

Man: "I finished playing tennis. Perhaps because it is too imposing. . . now feels so sick here. . 'As he showed a bruised wrist.

Doctor: "Incidentally, I have a check-up automated tool, which can detect all types of disease appropriately."

While giving a bottle, the doctor then said: "I Have your urine is poured here."

Without hesitation the patient is rid of urine into the bottle. Then the doctor put that bottle containing urine into a machine. Machine reads a moment, then pulled out a piece of paper.

Doctor: "This is his report. . . according to this machine, your muscles are sprained wrist. "

He was very impressed with the doctor's machine. He thought only with urine, the disease can be known precisely.

After getting treatment, he was out of practice space. Outside he met a nurse who later gave the same bottle.

Nurse: "Sir, if you have health problems again, do not bother here. Simply fill the bottle with your urine, continue to send the bottle back here for inspection. "

The man nodded in agreement. A few days later, he was thought to disturb the doctor. With the sophistication of the machine. He asked his daughter pee in the bottle. Then he mixed it with oil in the car, then he is doing masturbation and mixing the 'sperm' into the bottle. Fill The bottle was then shaken to mix evenly. He thought, the doctor will not know this urine was mixed with various substances.

The next day he came himself to the doctor and handed the bottle to be inspected. After waiting more than 3 hours, finally the doctor is out with a piece of paper reports.

Doctor: "I've got bad news about your health!"

The man said, smiling wickedly: "Huh. . . what is it Doc?

Let's just say, let me know right now. "

Doctor: "Well, if you really insist to know. FIRST, your daughter is pregnant. SECOND, your car needs replacing oil. And THIRD, your wrist muscles will not recover if you still frequent masturbation! "

CONTINUE

For the first night Joni, Vienna presented a silk kimono. Joni robe was accidentally put on the bed as a cue to bridal wear Vienna soon after the completion of reception

wedding night. Not long after Joni robe and put out the bridal chamber, she entered the Vienna spirit and purpose to give briefings to Vienna. Vienna's mother saw Joni robe that had been placed and keen to try it for fun.

Joni unexpectedly not wait past the room. He saw the door open and someone wearing a kimono. Because he thought that wearing a kimono is Vienna, then very excited she entered, closed the door and embraced her from behind. And ... and .... 20 minutes later Johnny realized that the woman with him is his mother Vienna.

"Huh, my mother-in-law ... please forgive me ...."

But with sternly Vienna ‘s mother threatening,

"Continue. You pull, I beat you ... "

3 PROFESSORS, 3 HIS INVENTION

3 people professors each from the U.S., Germany and Indonesia in Bali held a conferensi technology, each of them telling their latest research results:

AS: In my country, already flying aircraft can reach a height equal to the sun

Germany & Indonesia: Ah, ... really ..???

U.S.: Hee hee .. below it a little ..

Germany & Indonesia: OOOO ... .. like that ..

Germany: In my country, the car could've run with a speed of 100 km / Mnt

U.S. & Indonesia: Hahh .. really '..?????

Germany: Hee .. below it a little ..

U.S. & Indonesia: OOO .... okay .. okay.

Indonesia: In Indonesia a woman can give birth from his navel hole ...

U.S. & Germany: Hahh .. .. Right Gile ..!!!

Indonesia: emmm .. below it a little ...

SHOW THREE VAMPIRE FANGS

One day 3 people vampire fangs again show his prowess on each in terms of sucking blood and killing prey.

"Coincidence ya really cold night, I was so hungry at all" said the first vampire.

"What if we fight the power, greeted the fastest blood sucking" vampire asked the second ..

"Okay ...!"

"My first" first vampire said ...

then ... whuuusssss. The first vampire dashed. Before long, the lapse of five minutes he was back again with a face full of blood and he said .. "You see the city not under there?"

"Yes we see" said the second & third the vampires.

"All people are already dead, I suck their blood"

"Aahh, it’s nothing, look at me .." and the vampire the second took off sharply, the lapse of three minutes, he went back with his face covered in blood, and he said ...

"You see the village below there? all people are already on the dead, I suck their blood! "

"Aahh….  It’s very nothing, look at me!" Vampire third dashed flew sharp ... and not until one minute he was back with blood all over his face ... and he said "you see power lines down there?"

"Yes .. yes .. we see ... "

"Damn .. I do not see !!@#$%^&"

WHAT HAPPENED TO HELL, GOD?

Bill Gates died in a crash. he found himself in a place of purgatory (sin). God was there and said, "Well, Bill, I benar2x confused with this call.

I'm not so sure, whether I should send you to hell or to heaven. Because I see it, you've helped people dgnmeletakkan computer in every house almost all over the world and create a Windows 95 that's amazing. I am going to do something I've never done before. For this case, I will give you the freedom to decide where you want to stay. "Bill replied," Well, thank God.

But what's the difference between heaven and hell?

God says, "I allow you to visit them first so that you may more easily make decisions".

"Okay. If so, I try to look at hell first. "

Then Bill went to Hell. It turns out he saw that hell is a very beautiful place, clean with white sand beach with clear water. And there are thousands of beautiful women who run, swim, play water, laughing happily. The sun was shining with a cool and comfortable atmosphere, perfect.

Bill was very pleased. "Wow, amazing! It's beautiful there! ", He told God," If hell just like that, I want to see Heaven! "

"Good," said God. Immediately they went to heaven to see the atmosphere there. Bill saw heaven in high places filled clouds. Millions of angels playing harps and singing. He felt peaceful atmosphere in heaven saw but he did not seem excited as when I saw hell. Bill thought for a moment, and finally make a decision.

"Hmm, I thought ... I'd prefer Hell, God." He said to the Lord.

"Well, then," replied God, "according to your wishes."

Then Bill Gates went to live in hell. Two weeks later, God wants to see the state of the millionaire, Bill Gates, is to make sure it okay and what is being done.

When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill was in a dark alley and shouted in the midst of a burning fire. He felt burned and tortured.

"How are you, Bill?", God asked.

Bill replied with a deep voice, full of suffering and hopelessness. "It was horrible, God. It's not the same as what

I saw yesterday. Where the white sandy beaches, beautiful women who once was here that?? What happened God? "

God says, "Oh It's just a screen saver, Bill!"

THE FIRST NIGHT 3 GIRLS

"When people commemorate the day of independence, the three brothers is even reminisce about their first night when their honeymoon. The oldest child named Vienna, the second son named Sherly, and the third named Tania. Somehow the story, essentially sparing the impression from both of their parents, so that all three wedding receptions held in conjunction. Fortunately they did not show the same honeymoon. Viena go to Paris, Sherly to Hawaii and Tania to Bali - Indonesia.

Due to parental affection with their children, both parents were sent for news about everything that happened during their honeymoon. But that is not too vulgar they use the code / password with advertising slogans. Three days after the departure of their children, received the first postcard was from Vienna, Paris. News content is quite short "STANDARD CHARTERED". After reading the news they were looking for advertisements in newspapers and standard chartered terbacalah big writing reads "BIG, STRONG AND FRIENDLY". Smile at the old man.

Day-4 second postcard came from Sherly in Hawaii with brief news content "NESCAFÉ". After reading the post card rush NESCAFÉ parents looking for advertisements and found sounds "DELICIOUS TO THE LAST DROP". So both parents and even then smiled happily. Day-5, 6 to 7 there is no news of the youngest. Entering the second week came a postcard from Bali from Tania with news content is only "CATHAY PACIFIC". Soon they find ads in newspapers, and how shocked after knowing the ad Cathay Pacific is "7 TIMES A WEEK, 3 HOURS A DAY NONSTOP"

WHY ONLY A HUNDRED THOUSAND?

A couple on their way out of town and because the distance is quite far away, they intend to stay in a hotel before continuing the journey next morning.

Eventually they found a pretty nice hotel although unclassified and overnight. The next morning when going out of the hotel, they have to pay $ 750, -

"Huh? It's still 5 star hotel rates. No one? "Asked the surprised husband.

He asked the hotel manager and protest dipanggilkan rates are too high. After listening attentively, the manager said, " CJDW Hotel equipped with international standard swimming pool, conference rooms and various entertainment international level."

"But we did not use the facilities that you mentioned earlier," said the husband insisted. "either your own, sir. The facility is available to be exploited, "said the manager did not want to lose.

After a pensive moment the husband opened his wallet, to pay $ 250, - and held it out to the manager.

"Why only two hundred and fifty dollars?" Asked the manager.

"Because you have to pay $ 500.- to sleep with my wife."

"But I do not sleep with your wife ..."

"either your  own, sir. Already available all night, why not use ... "

BECAUSE OF THAT, NOT TO FALL ASLEEP

if you're stripped and your body-graffiti crossed out, it is a shameful thing. but if after that there is a photograph and your picture was spread on the internet, it's very, very embarrassing ...

Because of thet, not to fall asleep when drunk.

USELESS TO YOU TALKING TO ME, SON

A young man sat across from a lady in a train. The young man was engrossed in chewing gum as he stared at the ceiling.

"It's useless you talk to me, boy!" Said the lady, "I'm deaf."

YOU SEEM TO LOVE THE CHICKEN PORRIDGE

A chicken porridge customers who are enjoying their food to get a screw in the bowl of porridge, but he ignored the screws because they will probably taste delicious porridge that. The next day he came again as usual, really bad luck that day he got back a little nail in his bowl but he was to stay cool & enjoy the food. Many years had he subscribed to the porridge though often he gets hard objects in his bowl. One day he came to pass conversation between them:
Merchants porridge, "You seem to love it with my chicken porridge. very delicious, right?
Customer: "Actually no, but because of your chicken porridge, now I've had a hardware store!".

GOLF COURSE THERE'S GREAT

When Patrick playing golf with a priest O, Brien, he asked a very important theological question:

"Father, is there a golf course in heaven?"

"Well, until now I do not know. Later if there is a chance I'll ask about it to the God and he answered I will definitely tell you. "

The next week they both play golf again and Patrick is still asking the same question. "Father if you have found the

golf courses in heaven? "" it’s already….  Golf course in there good. I am hear you're invited to play there next week. "

STORY OF A NO-LEGGED PARROT

A man walking past the store and saw a parrot bird on a twig within nemplok cage. The parrot had no legs at all, and you were instantly felt sorry for him.

"Poor. What happened to this parrot yes? ", Murmured the man.

Parrot replied, "It's been like this since the hatch. I am a parakeet who is damaged. "

"Gosh," exclaimed the man's astonishment. "You can hear and understand what I say!"

"I understand everything," said the parrot.

"Incidentally, I was destined to be a parakeet who is very smart and highly educated."

"Oh yes?", The man asked. "If it answer this question - how to do you could be perched on a branch without legs?"

"Well," said the parrot, "Actually this is embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my penis into twigs like small hooks. You can not hindered clay because of my feathers. "

"Wow" The man exclaimed, "You are so smart already can talk too!?".

Then the man had decided to buy a parrot's. Furthermore, these men enjoy the presence of his new bird. Parakeet is very sensational, he has a sense of humor, interesting, a good friend who, and understanding. The man was proud of the pet.

One day, the man came home from work and the parrot whispered:

"Psssst" The man approached and told him. "I do not know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What did you say? That is how, "asked the man.

"When the postman arrived this morning sent a letter, your wife greeted him at the door wearing a plain nightie and kissed him vehemently."

"What?" The man asked sarcastically. "So what happens next?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house within and began to fondle her nightie revealing her," reports the parrot.

"Gosh!" The man was panic. "Then what?"

"Then the postman begins to open nightie until your wife naked, kneeling in front of her and lick her entire body, starting with her breasts and slowly dropped to the bottom .."

"So?" Begged the boys was, "So What happened?"

"To the hell with next! I am erection and fell off the twig! "

HOLY POND

In a remote mountain, lies the a Hermitage. At the Hermitage, therecluse and the recluse women have been bound to an oath not to marry for life, therefore they made a separate residence. The house is a residence north of the recluse and the house south is where recluse woman.
In the middle of the two buildings lies a holy pond. One day awoman was solemn recluse wash his hands in holy pond. Seeing the other woman it is a recluse who just two days stay thereamazed and asked:
recluse Women 1: "hey why did you wash your hands in this poolfervently ..?"
recluse Female 2: "Why do not you know emangnya. It's a holypond "
recluse Women 1: "Oh so .. continue what usefulness.? "
recluse Female 2: "It works is that intentionally or not part of our body touching the" genitals "or other forbidden part of the opposite sex, then the body must be washed in this pool as much as 5 times for his sins erased."
recluse Women 1: " So what your have done so should wash their hands in this pool.?
recluse Female 2: "SStttt, do not be loud .. Had lunch with therecluse, my right hand accidentally touched the "genitals" recluse ..so I had to wash my hands ..  
recluse Women 1: "Wahh too seriuos.. If that so, I also have to rinse 5 times that my sins erased ... "

FORCES 3 COUNTRIES

One time, held high-level meeting attended by three women leaders from the three countries, namely: from the UK, represented by Margaret Tatcher., India was represented by Indira Gandhi and of the Filipinos by Cory Aquino. As a first step memorial service was held followed by examination of rows of soldiers from the three countries. Arriving in front of the group Green Berets of England's famous Margaret Tatcher fiercely slapping and punching in front of the troops, of course, without a reply. Dialogue occurs:

"It hurts not?"

"No, Mam!"

"Why?"

"As a true soldier of the United Kingdom, we are accustomed to receiving pain."

"Good."

Cory Aquino. was not to be outdone, and so reached the front line troops, took a rifle from the platoon commander, and slammed rifle butts into the face of his soldiers. Dialogue happening again:

"It hurts not?"

"No madam!" (With blood streaming down face)

"Why?"

"As a soldier Filipinos, we should be able to withstand the pain and horror to maintain sovereignty."

"Good" (in the liver, with a glance at Margaret, "my soldiers greater")

Once the checks arrived at the front of the troops of India, Indira Gandhi quickly. grabbed a rifle bayonet in front of soldiers there and with one Sebat terpotonglah penis soldiers, and asked aloud:

"It hurts not?"

"No madam ...!"

"Why!"

"Because it is belongs to someone behind me ..."

CIRCUS TRAINER 3 COUNTRIES

One day the race was held to find a reliable circus trainer in the world. After passing the preliminary round, just three coaches who passed round the circus, which was from countries Indonesia, Thailand and India. The jury gave a final exam for the crown as the best circus trainers of all time. Then be sure to allow each animal in a large bull elephant and each one is tested to make coaches take turns sitting elephant. Trainers from India and Thailand alternately tried but to no avail, until they meditated all, but remained motionless staring elephant. Indonesia coach's turn, and he stood staring at the eyes of elephants and around 3 times. And right at elephant’s tail, he lifted his tail and poked the elephant testicles. Consequently elephant heartburn and sat down. Indonesia spectators cheered for the victory, but of other countries grumbled not satisfied and asked for one more exam to convince. The jury said, "How to make an elephant head!" Both from India and Thailand, once again can not do much and finally their gave up.

Indonesia's turn, he immediately looked at the eyes of elephants and around three times as before and right in the ears of an elephant he stopped. He then raised elephant ear and whispering, "Elephant, would you like, if I poke your testicular again?"

Then the elephant immediately shook his head.

DANGERS OF SMOKING

When finished reading a book about the dangers of smoking. Andy knows that smoking is very dangerous. then he promised to himself, and then promise it's written on the wall which reads:

"After reading the book and know the dangers of smoking, from now on I promise, I'll stop READING!"

I BELIEVE THIS MACHINE WILL

A vacuum cleaner salesman headed to a house. He knocked on the front door. Before the hostess had said a word, he is spending all kinds of dirt into the living room carpet.

"Madame," he said, "I believe in the ability of this machine. This carpet will be clean again in a heartbeat. If later there are still dirt left behind, I am willing to eat it. "

"Then," said the lady, "began to eat. we do not have electricity. "

RECIPES 10 ROUND BIKE

On a Sunday, women of a bevy of elite gymnastics in the complex held a bicycle race. Competition held at the soccer field complex, too. The endurance race is a bike ride around the field. Woman who gets the first turn with his own style start strong but just one round only. Likewise, the second and subsequent 's woman style, but each was struggling in the first round. After the turn of the five women quietly and with a style other than another in the fifth round still looks cheerful. Even to the tenth round, yet willing to quit if not stopped by other women. Obviously this is a champion.

The first woman asked on the champion's woman,:

"What's a really strong recipe to ten times?"

Woman champions calmly replied:

"My bike without the saddle ... ... ..."

WHY YOU ALWAYS BACK?

A young couple visit a sexologist.

Young man: Doctor, we are a newly married husband and wife. We want to know whether the way we have sex is correct or not. Will physicians see it?

Sexologists was kind of shocked for a while, but then agreed. Both the young man then climbed into bed and have sex practices. After they finished, sexologists are saying.

Sexologists: Yes, the way you are correct. It costs $ 10, -

After paying, they then go home. But the next day they came again to the sexologists. This time they have sex in different positions. And so on for 4 days in a row they came back and always having sex with different styles and positions.

On the fifth day, sexologists are not stand it anymore.

Sexologists: I see that the way you are correct and you are an expert in sex. Why do you always come back again?

Young Man: The hotel room was too expensive. While here only USD $ 10, -. In addition to the doctor's fee will be reimbursed by my office.

FRIDAY MORNING THE MYSTERIOUS

There are strange happenings in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU), where patients always died in the same bed in the same room and always on Friday morning, regardless of age, gender, health condition or health background.

This is very confusing for doctors. Some even think that it has something to do with the supernatural. Why always on Friday and at the same bed?

Then the doctors decided to resolve this case and investigate the cause of some of these events ... Once On Friday, everyone at the hospital anxiously waiting for adverse events it is would happen again. Then, lying is a new patientit is hospital there. Some doctors already holding Tasbih, Quran, Bible and even some longer holding wooden crosses and other holy objects to ward off evil spirits. While the patient was still lying there. Over time spinning ... 07:00 ... 07:30 ... just before the time comes sacred ... The door was open ...

Teddy ... then go part-time cleaning service for Friday. He immediately unplugged the device for breathing assistance from the AC outlet and then replace it with a vacuum cleaner and start cleaning the room.

WHAT YOU ARE ASKING ME WOULD I GIVE

One day in the Sahara desert, a wanderer with his camel through the Sahara desert that is very broad. because it was so boring even for days in the desert, the nomads tiba2 felt lonely and wanted to do the nookie, but alhasih seen around no one wanitapun. the pengembarapun down from his camel, and the rest, thinking he was looking at his camel, "a hah!", turns his camel is a female, just the nomads with alacrity want to play around with his camel it is. but unfortunately every time the wanderer wants to "advance" the camel follow-forward, and so on and so on, so it is very nasty incident never happened.

Suddenly in the distance a woman's voice shouting, "HELP!", By wielding the sword from its sheath sipengembara jump and look for the origin of the noise, distant look of a woman was raped by a gang of robbers would, about 15 in number. bravely and the wanderer approached them with one fell swoop into the 15 rogues to death did not move. With tears, hugged her and said the wanderer

"Thank you my hero, what would you want from me I give ', the wanderer bewildered, then he began to think what would be asked of the woman," let me ask something from you "

"What?" Asked the woman.

"Please not to cling to this camel getting ahead again."

HOW MUCH YOUR GRANDFATHER?

"Tony, why did you not go to school yesterday?!!" The teacher admonished to Tony.

"My grandfather died, ma'am.", Replied Anton.

"Every not logged in, you must excuse your grandfathers died only! What do you have what grandfathers? "

"A lot of Ma'am, my grandmother used to love to marry a divorce ..."

ROBERT AND THE HORSES

Robert was assigned to Bosnia, to join the UN force keeping the peace there. His post is in a remote area, at the foot of the mountains are silent. For a month? Robert tried to resist the urge to satisfy his sexual needs. But finally he could not stand. He came to his colleague, an Arab officer, and asked:

"How to" nookie "in this remote area".

Replied the officer Arabic: "You can use the horse behind the headquarters it is".

Robert remember the oath of the soldier, then determined he did not want to do this ignominious act. But on a month to two, he could not stand it anymore. He came to another colleague, an Indian officer and asking the same thing. He can also answer the same: "You can wear a horseit is behind the headquarters". Robert silent, but still remember the oath of the soldier. Until finally in the fifth month, she could not stand it anymore. He went to the officer and whispered Arabic: sheepishly, that he wants to "nookie".

The Arab nodded sympathetically: "Please use the horse, it's your turn". Well, the tiptoeing Robertpun came the horse, and vent his passion on the animal's body. Then he returned to the officer with a small smile Arabic:

"Well, thank you, I've used his horse".

"Ah, no thanks necessary. All the people here if you want to brothels in the hills it was usually ride a horse ".

RECOGNITION OF FOUR BROTHERS

Four of the monks are allowed to go overnight week by the Pastor, but must report what they have done. Next day ....

Priory I: Father I have sinned since last night watching a movie, which is inappropriate in the watch

Pastor: Your sins are forgiven, because you've confessed, now go and drink the holy water

Priory IV, which was placed at the back of a small smile.

Priory II: Father, last night I sinned because I was not careful SHG motorhome crashed into a dog and killed it

Pastor: Your sins are forgiven, because you've confessed, now go and drink the holy water

Priory IV, again smiling, laughing followed by "he .. he .. he ..."

Priory III: Father last night I sinned because, accidentally saw my neighbor was in the shower

Pastor: Your sins are forgiven, because you've confessed, now go and drink the holy water

Priory IV did not take any more laughing even harder, "Hua ... ha ... ha ...."

Father: Why do you laugh like that, What did you do last night?

Priory IV: "I urinated in the holy water, father"

FUTURE COMPUTER

Someone just engineers succeeded in creating a new computer. The engineer intends to sell his patent to a company

Computer. Director of the company was still young. To demonstrate the ability of his computer, he asked the director to ask a question.

"good," said the young director. He sat down and typed, 'where my father? "

Soon out the answer, 'your father was fishing in toronto'.

"computer suck," said the director, "my father had died 20 years ago!" but it is remains confident engineer with computer capabilities. "try your question in another way," he suggested.

Director of typing it is again, 'where husband my mother? "

The computer replied, 'your mother husband has died 20 years ago. Your father just getting one kilo weighing tuna. "

IS HE A GOOD SURGEON?

A man met his doctor. He faced a very personal issue, spending his art tool has several holes. "Doctor, this is very embarrassing. When I urinate, the water out of the holes and squirt it is where where. My clothes are always so wet. And more humiliating if I urinated in public toilets, then my urine it is splashed and wet people on both sides of me. Please, doctor, what should I do? "

The doctor thought for a moment "I'll give you a letter to give to my brother."

"Doctor, is he a good surgeon?"

"No! He is the music player. He plays trombone in a musical group Jazz. I will ask him for help to teach you a lesson to play the trombone. "